Me: "well you know that #craftbeer is one of my hobbies"
Her: "that's not a good hobby"
What she meant was..."that's not a good hobby for me."
...and right now, she is right. Especially now. She knows me, she loves me.
I went on a long run just now, the first real run in months. Thinking back on that conversation. The look in her eyes, the tears gently positioned upon her cheeks. Reflecting on everything that has happened in the last year and beyond.
The music in my ears was the usual Sevendust, but sometimes you hear things that you haven't before. Sometimes it's just the right time to listen.
Sevendust - Waffle (selected lyrics)
I need to find a meaning
I'm useless, I'M USELESS
Trapped inside my own web
Bring me a light
Make my life worth something more
When I'm alone
I stare at nothingness
I've never believed that I'm an alcoholic, and honestly I still don't. I do however recognize that at the present time brews and booze are not doing me any good. It has played a decisive role in destroying everything I know. I won't let it destroy anything else. I won't let it be why a relationship succeeds or fails. I won't lean on it when I'm down, or when I want to escape.
I can't be just that beer guy. I'm so much more, I have a lot to offer this world. A lot of love to give, and dreams to fulfill. I can be fun, I can have fun, I am fun. She knows.
So for now my other lover it's time for a break. I'll see you when I see you. Maybe a week, maybe a month, maybe never again I don't know, but I don't need you right now. It's time to prove that to myself.