Showing posts from February, 2014

Time Out For Alcohol

Me: "well you know that #craftbeer is one of my hobbies" Her: "that's not a good hobby" What she meant was..."that's not a good hobby for me." ...and right now, she is right. Especially now. She knows me, she loves me. I went on a long run just now, the first real run in months. Thinking back on that conversation. The look in her eyes, the tears gently positioned upon her cheeks. Reflecting on everything that has happened in the last year and beyond. The music in my ears was the usual Sevendust, but sometimes you hear things that you haven't before. Sometimes it's just the right time to listen. I'm listening. Sevendust - Waffle (selected lyrics) I need to find a meaning I'm useless, I'M USELESS Trapped inside my own web Bring me a light Make my life worth something more When I'm alone I stare at nothingness Painful silence I've never believed that I'm an alcoholic, and honestly I still don&#

Melancholy and My Infinite Sadness

this is for me (read it if you are so inclined) this is not a cry for help (a hug won't hurt) this is to get myself out of my head (my own dark passenger) this is a step on my path to happy (I hope) ---------------- I find writing, just simply the act of letting words flow out of my head and through my fingers to be quite freeing. I've filled notebooks only to throw them away, I've read all the self-help books I can find, and talk therapy is an outlet, but not one in which I let myself lose control. In other words, those things are good, and working but not enough. Perhaps I'll air the dirty laundry later, but for now that isn't the point of this. I've made choices that cannot be undone, and I'm learning to live again in whole new way. Things are decidedly different in my life and I'm riding an emotional rollercoaster of feelings and emotions both positive and negative, good and bad, and all points in between. My highs are unlike any other in my 3